Getting Back on the Bike
"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving." - Albert Einstein
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Well over a year ago, I opened my solo practice and launched this blog with a clear, confident goal: write one insightful post every month.
Almost a year since my last post, you can see that did not happen.
Life happened.
In launching my solo counseling practice, I took on the massive learning curve of managing a business, keeping up with continuing education and professional development, and attempting to balance the non-negotiable demands of my personal life. The blog shifted from an exciting creative outlet to another dreaded thing on my to-do list. I had insights, lessons learned, and aha moments I wanted to share but when I sat down and looked at the blank screen, I felt paralyzed, unsure, full of self-doubt. With each postponed post, I felt an initial wave of relief, followed by a growing feeling of failure.
At the same time, I was trying to kickstart a new health journey. I bought a Peloton bike and joined an enthusiastic riding group through my church. At first, the initial momentum was exciting. But slowly, I sensed a subtle shift. The rides stopped being about my health and started being about my stats. I began to feel like I was letting the group down if I didn't join the challenges. I felt the creeping shadow of compulsion I associated with years struggling with an eating disorder. The workout became a "have to." Seeking approval and acceptance became the fuel, a fuel that quickly burns out. So, I stopped riding.
Dismantling the Blueprint of Compulsion
It was in stepping away I realized that my "why" had been hijacked. I wasn't riding for my body or my mind; I was riding to appease a false belief from my past and to chase a gold star of approval or belonging from a group.
So, I made a change. I left the official group challenges but got back on the bike—this time, on my own terms and on a schedule that fit my life and my values. The momentum returned—not because I was chasing external validation, but because I was aligned with what supported my own well-being.
Do you want to create sustainable change? If your goal is tied to external approval or internal compulsion, it has an expiration date. But if it aligns with who God created you to be, what is important to you, and what you value, it can last a lifetime.
The Burnout Cycle and the Burden of "Should"
When we chase external approval—whether it’s keeping up with a fitness group, maintaining a flawless professional image, or forcing ourselves to meet self-imposed metrics—we step into the burnout cycle.
Burnout doesn’t just happen because “I’m just crazy busy,” or because we have a long list of to-dos. It also happens when too much of our energy is driven by pressure rather than purpose.
In my counseling practice, I see this daily. Listen to your own self-talk and the endless "shoulds" (or “have tos”): I should be doing more, I should look like them, I should be farther along. But when "should" becomes a tool of compulsion, it drains our spirit.
True balance is found in breaking free from the cycle of human expectation—whether it comes from ourselves or others. Exploring this through a through a spiritual lens, Galatians 1:10 challenges us to consider this very trap:
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Are we are living to please people? Shifting our focus from external validation to fulfilling our God-given purpose—which always includes rest and grace—is key to escaping the relentless cycle of burnout. God does not demand or expect compulsive perfection; He offers sustainable pacing.
Getting Back on Your Own Bike: A Self-Reflection
If you’ve stopped moving toward a goal, a dream, or a healthy habit, I want to invite you to pause before you judge yourself as a "failure." Perhaps your stalled momentum isn't a sign of weakness. Maybe it’s an invitation to curiously consider changing your “why” or whether your internal self-talk has become too cumbersome to carry.
To help you recalibrate, try these two steps for self-reflection this week:
1. Shift Your Self-Talk from "Should" to "Could"
Notice how often you use the word "should." I should work out today. I should write that post. I should go visit so-and-so. "Should" is a word rooted in guilt, compulsion, and external pressure. It drains our energy before we even begin!
Try replacing it with "could." When we use "could," we are open to autonomy, hope, and more realistic options. It opens the door to a grace-filled, sustainable pace:
Instead of "I should work out," try: "I could go for a short walk in the morning or when I get home from work tomorrow."
Instead of "I should go see…," try: "I could text them today and let them know I am thinking of them."
Instead of "I should write a monthly blog," try: "I could jot down a few notes when inspiration strikes."
"Could" reminds you that you can choose. It turns a rigid demand into an achievable invitation.
2. Ask Yourself Three Honest Questions
Who am I doing this for? Is this goal fueled by a desire for acceptance, fear of rejection, or a shadow of an old compulsion?
Does this give life or drain it? Is this behavior an act of true self-care, value reflection, or has it become a punishing "have-to"?
What does a grace-filled pace look like? How can I strip away the unrealistic expectations and find a rhythm that honors my current season of life?
You don't have to ride at anyone else's speed, and you don't have to carry the weight of a thousand "shoulds." Focus on your balance, extend yourself some grace, and keep moving forward on the unique path God has set for you.
Need help with finding balance, creating sustainable change, or getting back on track with your goals? Contact me!